My brother Pat paid me a visit today; he arrived just shortly before feeding time. I know your probably wondering why I just didn’t call it lunch. Well lunch was, and I use the word was because lunch was something special my wife and I would do once a season, five times a year if we got a good tax return. As I can recall our last lunch alone together was only a little more than a week ago, and it didn’t involve any bibs, there wasn’t any one throwing up and we didn’t have to sit at a table with ten or so other strangers.
Feeding time at the Kessler Institute turned out to be my first real hint of what all these doctors and nurses were referring to as one of my life changing experiences. Feeding time was hard, both physically and mentally. Sitting at a twenty-foot table with ten or so other men and women. Mostly stroke victims, who just days before were walking this earth going about their daily activities. Now they could barely speak. Flanked by their nurse and aides, most drooling uncontrollably on their throw away bibs. Trying not to choke on their pureed pork chop and applesauce. We were there at the feeding table because the stroke took away our ability to swallow correctly and let me tell you, that’s no fun.
While my brother Pat sat waiting patiently to remove his sympathy smile and put on his everyday happy face, I was imagining my pureed pees as a hot sack of sliders. Pat was sitting to the far side of the room on a lonely metal folding chair.
The whole thing felt so institutional it was scary. So anxious to talk to my brother I opted to skip the desert cart. With my somewhat involuntary mind meandering a bit. I started to think of all the years of fun we had, fishing, the music we played together, Christmas, New Years, all the weddings, kids birthdays, golf. The thousands of laughs, sometimes just for no reason at all.
When I returned to reality my aid was removing my bib. I was looking at Pat; and I knew he saw the big picture here and it was one where I didn’t belong.
With a combined effort we smiled, and were somehow able to find some laughter, and as always the laughter became contagious and seemingly out of control. For a half dozen or so others at the table it was a moving kind of laughter; a laughter that brought a puzzling kind of smile to their faces, but for me and Pat it was an exhilarating confident and stimulating way of communication that gave me the spirit and strength of character to take control and set out on a mission to regain my independence.
Laughter can be such a great tool just a simple smile can contain a universal vocabulary as big as the universe itself. Smile at someone, they’ll smile back. If not, I was wrong, try someone else. Times like this can be very emotionally confusing. Ya Think I always try to remember that tears and laughter are so many times on opposite sides of the moment.
I knew I didn’t belong there and I certainly didn’t want to be there. If I accept my life the way it is instead of the way it could be, then I’m living with no spirit and without spirit what is there? There’s nothing, nothing but an unexplained emptiness.
I wanted to be home, I wanted to hug my wife, see my dogs, go fishing, tailgate, barbeque, play my fiddle, drive my car, talk, walk see my daughter who was fifteen hundred miles away and didn’t know the real trouble I was in. I needed to get out! Out of that indescribable frustrating space in time! In my mind I didn’t belong there. But this was the hand I was dealt, and I had to play it. I was sure now the ball was in my court and I had to take it and run with it. I had to have a plan.
Pat and I left the feeding table, he wheeled me down the hall and out to the courtyard. The courtyard was nice. The courtyard had somewhat of a calming effect on me. When I would go to the courtyard I just left all my frustrations at the door. You could go into the courtyard and see the sky. There was open air and everyone was happy to see one another, because we all had one thing in common and that was; we all had hope; which brings to mind this little bar in Copenhagen. Oh never mind that’s a whole other time and place all together.
We would see others in the courtyard, some in wheel chairs like myself. However there were some who had spinal cord injuries that were in quad chairs attached to ventilators. Of coarse they couldn’t talk, but if I smiled they smiled back.
I’m sure any one of the people I looked at when I come out that door to the courtyard would give anything to be in a better place in time, or to have their savior walk through that door and make their lives the way they were again.
As much as we all wanted to turn back the hands of time, to stop what we were doing at the time of our accident and get a second chance, sadly we can’t go back. We can only look back; learn from mistakes that were made and move on.
We’re always moving forward like it or not. So why should I just lethargically tumble through life the way I am? Why not start with the here and now and take this moment, this moment in time that belongs to me. A moment that now seems almost describable and not so frustrating. Why not start playing the hand I was dealt.
Of coarse I can fold, I can fold any time I want. Sure go ahead, games over, easy, right? I’ve seen people accept defeat; it’s a sad sight. Defeat always seems to start with self pity, “ why me” If I give self-pity a chance it would certainly destroy me. Self-pity is the enemy and if I let it sneak in, over power me and join forces with something called depression, I’m done, finished. I’d be forced to fold and accept defeat.
Well guess what? That’s not happening here. Who wants to loose? Not me. It’s good to win. Everybody wants to win. To be on the winning team is a great feeling. All I had to do was open my eyes and look around. It’s all right in front of me. Family, friends, all the great people here at Kessler, that’s my winning team. I was so aware of my surroundings, my mind was so clear I could see that all I had to do was open my heart, let them in and there would be absolutely no room at the Inn for sadness and despair. Don’t forget, winner takes all.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Coming Forward Comimg soon
This book is about overcoming adversity. Looking complexity straight in the eyes and hearing the words you can. Facing obscurity dead on and hearing the words never give up.
These are just words, but take these words into your heart and into your soul and let them become your spirit. This is when the words; I can’t will never recognize you again. You will see how the human spirit, the spirit that lives in all of us, is stronger than anything on this earth.
In this book you will see just how special we all are as individuals. You will feel the tension as a man continues on when there’s nothing but hope to hold on to. You’ll experience the perseverance demonstrated as a man breaks down the mental and physical barriers that stand before him. You will feel the pain as a wife joins her husband as they carry the hardship of a lifetime on their shoulders, and a mother as she watches a son fight yet another round of obscure pain and frustration.
Although hounded by constant depression, everyday is started with a welcome smile, a smile that became excessively contagious to everyone around. While facing the fear of the unknown he defiantly never gave up on himself as he boldly fought to regain his independence. You will experience the joy and happiness of becoming a winner in every sense of the word.
This is my story, and one of the reasons I’m here today to tell you my story is because I took the words I can and never give up and made them a part of me a long time ago. I’m a fifty-three year young freelance comedy writer and I finally found out a few short years ago that if you inject adversity with humor you’ll get a laugh every time.
My story is about the almost unbearable pain one can suffer when a soul is broken. The disappointment in your fellow man; questioning authority when you’ve been taught not to, just as a child would look in puzzled wonderment if his or her Teddy bear were to just disappear or the extreme horror of a parent loosing a child. As I stood in grim defiance of pain, a pain that some would call a weakness. The pain of having my spirit ripped from within leaving me to wander in disbelief. With only a broken body to search for hope and a clouded mind to look for inspiration, I was able to spark a spirit from within and find hope through others. To give inspiration is to give life, because life is not just the beating heart.
In 2006 I believe a medical mistake had left me paralyzed. Led to believe I had suffered a small stroke that was located in a bad part of my brain, my family and I reluctantly accepted the hand I was dealt. Confused at the time however, was this tainted drug that was heparin? Could this drug that allegedly originated in China have been in circulation in the United States at that time? Could it be this medication covered up by other aggressive medications, been what caused my paralysis?
Could it be possible the very aware doctors and staff worked in such brilliant harmony to hide between the legal lines of injustice while blatantly displaying a total disregard for human life? While fighting a frustrating battle to uncover this injustice I also took on the almost impossible challenge of regaining my independence. It would be a war that was against all odds. However, being almost completely paralyzed and still carrying with me an array of other physical difficulties such as severe scoliosis to name just one; still I was able to win that war.
Being blessed with the maturity to shy away from revenge through forgiveness I was able to overcome my adversity and win the 2007 Kessler Institute for Rehabilitation’s Triumph of the Human Spirit award. Only to continue on and live my not so impossible dream of walking my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day
My story is true and my journey is triumphant. The people you’ll meet are some of the most incredible, caring, giving, people in the world and they are right here in our own backyard.
However, I inevitably had to travel to a place and time in my life I had no idea existed. This place was a medical center where I experienced total disappointment in my fellow man. This was a place where I found horror, pain and deception. It was a living nightmare, a nightmare and adversity that were overcome through love, devotion, believing in myself and rising above the pain and deception to become a winner.
This book is also about regaining normalcy in a life, a normalcy that was the consistency of everyday living; something so simple that is your world and nothing will stand in the way of your return.
Finally after eight days of unprofessional care and neglect I was moved to The Kessler Institute for Rehabilitation, where they opened the door to recovery. After three years of retraining my body and mind for normalcy I’ve surpassed all goals and have presented just cause to rewrite many statistics.
As you get to know this main character you’ll cheer him on, you’ll join his team and you’ll love him like a brother. You’ll close the final chapter feeling yourself as a winner.
Why did I write this book? I wrote this book so that I could piece the puzzle that is my life and as a result we all may enjoy a story of hope, perseverance and winning.
However in addition, recognize that revenge and forgiveness are truly on opposite sides of the moment. Consequently forgiveness converts the moment and retribution is wisely no longer recognized.
These are just words, but take these words into your heart and into your soul and let them become your spirit. This is when the words; I can’t will never recognize you again. You will see how the human spirit, the spirit that lives in all of us, is stronger than anything on this earth.
In this book you will see just how special we all are as individuals. You will feel the tension as a man continues on when there’s nothing but hope to hold on to. You’ll experience the perseverance demonstrated as a man breaks down the mental and physical barriers that stand before him. You will feel the pain as a wife joins her husband as they carry the hardship of a lifetime on their shoulders, and a mother as she watches a son fight yet another round of obscure pain and frustration.
Although hounded by constant depression, everyday is started with a welcome smile, a smile that became excessively contagious to everyone around. While facing the fear of the unknown he defiantly never gave up on himself as he boldly fought to regain his independence. You will experience the joy and happiness of becoming a winner in every sense of the word.
This is my story, and one of the reasons I’m here today to tell you my story is because I took the words I can and never give up and made them a part of me a long time ago. I’m a fifty-three year young freelance comedy writer and I finally found out a few short years ago that if you inject adversity with humor you’ll get a laugh every time.
My story is about the almost unbearable pain one can suffer when a soul is broken. The disappointment in your fellow man; questioning authority when you’ve been taught not to, just as a child would look in puzzled wonderment if his or her Teddy bear were to just disappear or the extreme horror of a parent loosing a child. As I stood in grim defiance of pain, a pain that some would call a weakness. The pain of having my spirit ripped from within leaving me to wander in disbelief. With only a broken body to search for hope and a clouded mind to look for inspiration, I was able to spark a spirit from within and find hope through others. To give inspiration is to give life, because life is not just the beating heart.
In 2006 I believe a medical mistake had left me paralyzed. Led to believe I had suffered a small stroke that was located in a bad part of my brain, my family and I reluctantly accepted the hand I was dealt. Confused at the time however, was this tainted drug that was heparin? Could this drug that allegedly originated in China have been in circulation in the United States at that time? Could it be this medication covered up by other aggressive medications, been what caused my paralysis?
Could it be possible the very aware doctors and staff worked in such brilliant harmony to hide between the legal lines of injustice while blatantly displaying a total disregard for human life? While fighting a frustrating battle to uncover this injustice I also took on the almost impossible challenge of regaining my independence. It would be a war that was against all odds. However, being almost completely paralyzed and still carrying with me an array of other physical difficulties such as severe scoliosis to name just one; still I was able to win that war.
Being blessed with the maturity to shy away from revenge through forgiveness I was able to overcome my adversity and win the 2007 Kessler Institute for Rehabilitation’s Triumph of the Human Spirit award. Only to continue on and live my not so impossible dream of walking my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day
My story is true and my journey is triumphant. The people you’ll meet are some of the most incredible, caring, giving, people in the world and they are right here in our own backyard.
However, I inevitably had to travel to a place and time in my life I had no idea existed. This place was a medical center where I experienced total disappointment in my fellow man. This was a place where I found horror, pain and deception. It was a living nightmare, a nightmare and adversity that were overcome through love, devotion, believing in myself and rising above the pain and deception to become a winner.
This book is also about regaining normalcy in a life, a normalcy that was the consistency of everyday living; something so simple that is your world and nothing will stand in the way of your return.
Finally after eight days of unprofessional care and neglect I was moved to The Kessler Institute for Rehabilitation, where they opened the door to recovery. After three years of retraining my body and mind for normalcy I’ve surpassed all goals and have presented just cause to rewrite many statistics.
As you get to know this main character you’ll cheer him on, you’ll join his team and you’ll love him like a brother. You’ll close the final chapter feeling yourself as a winner.
Why did I write this book? I wrote this book so that I could piece the puzzle that is my life and as a result we all may enjoy a story of hope, perseverance and winning.
However in addition, recognize that revenge and forgiveness are truly on opposite sides of the moment. Consequently forgiveness converts the moment and retribution is wisely no longer recognized.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Coming Forward----Coming soon
Paralyzed and abandoned by the very doctors who shook my hand only hours before a medical error left me with no option. Devastating changes and adversity that statistically could not be conquered. There was a choice to be made and I chose to win.
This is not only a story of what went wrong with a corrupt medical community and how their spirit was compromised by fear and greed but rather one man’s hope, using his god given ability to persevere and win; spiritually and humanly to overcome. With his drive and determination to conquer fear, pain, and darkness bringing forth a legacy for his children and grandson, of willingness to move forward and achieve their dreams.
Coming Forward is a strong narrative about overcoming adversity. Looking complexity straight in the eye and hearing the words “ you can.” Facing obscurity dead on and hearing the words “ never give up.” Take these words with you, and the words “ I can’t,” will never recognize you again.
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